Some nights I can’t push away thoughts of regret, and what-could-have-been. People I know have accomplished so much. Some are older, some are younger but it’s those that are my same age, that make me pause and wonder about things. I’m getting older and I still don’t know what to do with myself. I know I’m a good worker, but that conflict between doing what I like versus doing something that pays is a hard choice to decide. And although the Game of Life has no real rules, it’s hard to shrug off certain generational mores. There are moments when I find myself lost in thoughts that give away my age. Most of the time, my mindset is set back ten years but sometimes things set me off. When I see couples, and when I see newly weds, it’s hard to beat back my heart yearning to find someone to join in life. And sometimes, when I see babies, it kicks in. It really kicks in. I get swallowed with the emotion of having a smaller version of myself. But just as soon as the baby bug hits, another wave comes over me. “How can I take care of a baby when most often I can’t even take care of myself!” Some nights like tonight, I can’t push away thoughts of regret, and what-could-have-been. Sigh. I can’t even finish my train of thought with this small post.
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